365 Days of Writing | #2 Must Not Fail

Wordpress Writing Prompt: Must Not Fail
What is the one thing at which you are the most afraid of failing?

Failure is one of those words that has a negative connotation before you even get out of the gate. But is it possible to turn it on its head and not be afraid of failure? Is it possible to redefine the word or at least question it?

Definition of FAILURE by Merriam Webster online
1
a : omission of occurrence or performance; specifically : a failing to perform a duty or expected action
b (1) : a state of inability to perform a normal function — compare heart failure (2) : an abrupt cessation of normal functioning
c : a fracturing or giving way under stress
 
2
a : lack of success
b : a failing in business : bankruptcy
 
3
a : a falling short : deficiency 

How could I really fail now? I've cheated death; I've survived 156 miles solo backpacking the Colorado Trail; I've visited Yellowstone and captured timeless photos; and I'll be going back to work soon.

In January of 2014 I had a stem cell transplant for leukemia. I am now disease-free, healthy, and pretty normal. I find myself relatively content even though I have failed to manage my finances which is really impossible given the circumstances of my last two years. But in this context have I really failed. I don't know many people who could have come through this experience without financial debt due to medical expenses not covered by insurance. Thank goodness I had that ... and a former husband willing to float me whatever money I needed until I can get back on my feet. He also seems to understand my need to have adventures as he doesn't criticize how I spend that money. It's all a loan, so I have much to manage when I get back to work.

At this stage of my life I'm learning to believe that failure by its definition is something we allow ourselves to cottle to. Somehow feeling badly about what we haven't accomplished, or fell short of doing, or hoped we could do. But it's really a lesson. Everything in this life is a lesson and should be taken as a sign that one could do better. Or maybe it's a sign that that wasn't the right path to begin with.

When I set out on the Colorado Trail my intention was to complete the entire 485-miles. It was not my path to complete. So did I fail? I don't believe so now. My first attempt was 92 miles in 9 days. After coming home to nurse some leg ailments, I was called to walk some more--feeling I had not finished. My second attempt was 64 miles in 7 days for a total of 156 miles. At that point I felt I had completed enough. I accepted that walking 485 miles was not my path. Many of my friends who watched my beat cancer were in awe. Many others asked if I would be going back for more. I am finished--at least for now. And I'm okay with that.

Furthermore, have I failed by not finding work by now? One might think that. Sometimes I think that. But having touched the doorstep of death, I found that I needed my adventures. I needed to go on the second one to Yellowstone where I got some amazing pictures of splashing springs, waterfalls, bison, and trumpeter swans. I visited a friend, Sharon Frizzell, who exposed me to "tiny living" in her 5th wheel trailer home. I believe I could almost live that way and have been exploring it. I'm not ready yet, but that doesn't mean I've failed that either. It's just not time.

I know I will find just the right job in just the right time. I've had some leads. I've had some interviews. Would one say I'd failed at those interviews that did not culminate in a job? I say it wasn't the job for me. I continue to search. And when it's time I will rejoice. I will not consider myself a failure. I believe the last two years have taught me this.

In summary, yes, by simple definition failure is a bad thing, but it doesn't have to be. Move beyond and look at the underlying story. Why you fell short? Why you failed to perform? What could you have done to change it? Or is it time to accept that the event was just a course correction?

365 Days of Writing | #1 Out of Reach

Wordpress Daily Prompt: Write about the one X that got away — a person, an experience, a place you wanted to visit. How much would you change about your life to have it within reach again?

Poem by Alfred Austin

She's spent a lifetime striving. Eight-two years to be exact. Reading and writing were not only her passion, but her escape. Many poems, short stories, and novels have gone unfinished and unpublished.

It still haunts her. "You'll never amount to anything if you don't come from behind that book!" her father would yell at her. He needed her hands on the farm. It was just more than he could handle alone. She knows she can no longer blame her father. She's an adult for god's sake. She's been an adult who has made decisions for herself for a very long time. But seeing her name in print and getting the applause for her work that she deserves seems forever out of reach.

Madelaine sits outside her 750 square foot home in her chair swing reading Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility for the fifth time, all 368 pages of it. She does that--reads and rereads. Escapes. Looking for the sense in her life and living sensibly--for the most part.

While in the garden that she lovingly nurtures, she conjures up characters, lays out landscapes, and has conversations. The herbs of many greens, tomatoes and eggplant, marigolds, trumpet vine, and dahlias all speak to her and she speaks back. Along with her years of varied relationships this is how her stories come to life.

The consummate editor and perfectionist Madelaine is forever pondering, is that the right word or phrase to use in this particular case. It seems the work is never finished. The light of the sun comes and goes as she often sits hunched at the cherry wood table in her sitting room. When she stumbles, she makes lists. Things she should add or delete. New ideas for projects unsung. Writing conferences she wants to attend. What she needs at the grocery store.

Yes, she is always writing, but facing an audience that could love her stories scares the hell out of her. She doesn't realize that though. When asked when are you going to finish those seven novels you've started, Madelaine always answers, "I'm working on them. I'm going to a writer's group this weekend to have the one about the dancers critiqued. I need to choose the poems I want to put into a collection. I have to finish chapter 8 of the historical journal about my great grandfather."

The research phase of writing fascinates Madelaine. She can get lost in a library, on the internet, and talking to people who lived in a period gone by although as she grows older there are fewer she can interview about the past.

As Madelaine contemplates the idea of publishing, she mostly thinks I better get busy. But ultimately she really just enjoys the process of writing. So, although being a published author may or may not be out of reach, her pleasure derived by setting ink to paper is always close at hand. She has friends with whom to share her stories, time to enjoy the outdoors, and a cozy home in which she feels safe. She is happy and has only a slight twinge of regret.

365 Days of Writing: Out of Reach--yesterday's Wordpress Daily Prompt.

365 Days of Writing Prompts Challenge

One day after I finished my 156-mile backpacking trip on the Colorado Trail my son asked me, "What's up?"--a typical way of greeting me as he came home. I said, "I'm bored" to which he replied, "What? You don't have a project to work on?" That was it. He pegged me so accurately. I don't think I realized it until then that I am project driven. Idea --> research --> plan --> execute. That's my process. Sometimes I get to execution, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I complete execution, sometimes I don't. Although I didn't complete the entire 485-mile Colorado Trail, I am proud of my accomplishment, but now I need a new project. One such project is finding a job, but while I wait for that to manifest I need something on which to focus.

On the Colorado Trail--a path of discovery

I'm challenging myself to 365 days of writing. And since I love to combine my love of creating images--both photographs and art--I want to combine the two. I'm not quite sure what prompts I'll use. It will probably depend on my mood and which prompt inspires me. I've been following Wordpress Daily Prompts and I also found 365 Days of Writing Prompts by Wordpress.

I hope some of you will join me as I travel this path ... a new journey of discovery.

Watch for new post: 365 Days of Writing: Out of Reach--yesterday's Wordpress Daily Prompt.

Facing Change

When I read Jan Phillips' poem from her Museletter September 14, 2015 I could totally relate as I seem to be in a new season of my life. I've cheated death. I've challenged my body. And I've traveled new paths. It made me want to create. So with my photos as a foundation and her poem as inspiration, I came up with this composite. I used my photo of a Yellowstone spring as primary and a close-up of rock at Artist Point in Yellowstone as background.

In addition, we are approaching my favorite season of change ... that in which petals wilt, leaves turn yellow, orange, and red, and the air cools. Yes, nature does this so gracefully. Why don't we?

Most of the people I know have trouble with change. I know I do although I've been a bit better.

The winds of change have blown my friend Sharon on to yet another new venture. She spent this summer in Grant Village at Yellowstone National Park in Camper Services. She called herself the Latrine Queen, cleaning showers, helping in the laundry, and dealing with summer campers. In a few weeks she will start training to be an Interpretive Guide for YNP. That sounds very exciting.

I am in that transition. Looking for work. Wondering what's next. Hoping the gentle winds of change bring me to a place of productivity and happiness. I've truly enjoyed being healthy again and having the freedom to go where the heart wants to wander.

The Colorado Trail: Marmot and the Stone Room

The Colorado Trail was everything and nothing, different but the same, and exciting and numbing. For these reasons I've had some trouble assimilating the experience and finding a way to write about it. With that said, creating my first composite helps me tell the story.

The skies shifted from clear blue to baby blue with clouds to storm clouds--sometimes all in the same day. There were broad vistas. The occasional surprise like the stone room ruin. And of course the marmots above tree line. So this composite actually puts this Mr. Marmot out of his element. In addition, I loved all the mushrooms that ranged from bland brown to bright red.

Textures by Kim Klassen. 

Textures and frame by Photoshop Artistry. 

This image tells a story of a variety of experiences that the separate images could not do so well for me. Some of my favorite things on the trail.

I hope to create some additional composites. Maybe I will finally be able to share this experience in only a dozen images rather than 500!

Creative Expression: Contemplation

Photoshop Artistry supplied the image of Andrew Constantino, a street musician in Ashville, NC. Using some new textures, brushes, and adding a stroke I created a new frame. Layer masks and blending modes were used extensively.

Check out the before and after by scrolling your mouse over the image.

mouseover to see before image

Textures by Kim Klassen. 

Textures, brushes, and primary image by Photoshop Artistry. 

Creative Expression: Bonsai Watching Me Pack Up -- Frame #4

More creative expressions ... Bonsai watching me pack up after my first night out on the Colorado Trail back at the end of June. Although I love Bonsai, this is really about the frame.

I think I've been a bit manic in my time spent in Photoshop the last few days! What do you think? I guess that's my process. I gotta get it while the juices are flowing. But it's time to get off the couch. In this case to get some sleep.

Tomorrow it's definitely time to get out of the house and have some new experiences!

Textures by Kim Klassen. 

Textures and vector image by Photoshop Artistry. 

Brush by DesignFruit. Brush by Krist's Circle Dots.

An afterthought ...

Bonsai and me at Brookside/McCurdy Trail Junction on The Colorado Trail.

Textures by Kim Klassen. 

Textures and vector image by Photoshop Artistry. 

Brush by DesignFruit. Brush by Krist's Circle Dots.